I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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