he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
