Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
