If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
