part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
