Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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