community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
