The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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