Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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