It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
