Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
