I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
