Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
