Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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