'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
