remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
