Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
