walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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