Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
