The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
