yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
