Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
