Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You took a bar mat shot.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
