My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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