god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
