I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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