do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
