pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize