I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize