Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
