Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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