just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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