Whod you bang
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
