I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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