Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
