it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
