did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
