I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
