I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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