I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she looked like the before picture.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
