we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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