i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
