I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
