Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
