Where is the hickey?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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