Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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