i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
