bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
