Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
