why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
