This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm passing your future prison.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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