i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
