There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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