I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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