This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You dont lie about slip and slides
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
