That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
