I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
