It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
