Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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