Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My ass is underappreciated
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
