He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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