come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize