New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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