so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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