what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
