I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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