My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The adults are the big ones right?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
