lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
