I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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