She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
