if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
