You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
