It's like God shit irony all over that family
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
please come you make the beer taste better
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
