So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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