Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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